YOU KNOW IT'S SICKENING WHEN ONE "F***ER" STARTS IT ALL AND TRIGGERS IT ALL.



Damn, I HATE YOU! Fuxk! *spits!* He does look better than me but hey, his attitude sucks when he's all so "fired up" (ever since few years ago). That's how I feel. As much as I care for him but you know, I AM SO ANGRY. I think it's been a while since I get really MAD LIKE THIS. I simply hate it when I get this mad because at times I tend to lose control and my temper just flare like nobody's business. I will only stop when I feel "satisfied".



It isn't a good thing. I could feel "my blood boiling". Full of rage - It isn't a good sign. I get very angry, I start to scold things that I don't mean... The shouting and all and what's even worst is that I might start to throw things. Or sometimes I feel like PHYSICALLY HURTING the other person.



Oh my. I know it's very bad. It's simply a bad feeling. I don't like the after feeling because I don't feel good and all. I feel tired after that at times, or just moody.



I've been trying to control my temper since 2006. Would say my temper is much better since studying in ITE College East (2007). In Secondary, there were such cases that some boys simply makes me angry and all but, it isn't the case now. I just don't wish to get angry and all.



Oh well, I'm feeling better now after blasting loud music (I'm using headphones) and just keeping quiet while I type this.



Yes I was mad but you know, now that I'm calm... It makes me upset when my parents start to make noise to "TEACH THAT ****" a lesson. It makes me upset because my parents aren't getting any younger and with his attitude like that. It worries me.



I kept telling him my attitude is better than his. That is the truth. FACT. I am an emotional person, I like to talk a lot but... I also observe and listen. To understand the situation and reflect, not just reacting to it as how you feel. THAT **** is more of "I REACT TO HOW I FEEL". It's more like a knee-jerk reaction. Silly, eh?



"Boys" these days fall into that category. Ok, not all fall into that category. Probably, some that I know fall into that category. (Sorry! But that's fact.)



Oh well, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to think of good things and not get angry and upset over such things. (Bad for health but at the same time, it's not possible to stay happy always. So, keep it at bay.) ...And oh, Fiqah chat with me at the right time, as I've calmed down.



Anyway, went to St. Stephen's church (wait, don't get me wrong) yesterday to pay respect to aunt Annie (My father's sister husband [my uncle] sister) who passed away. May aunt Annie rest in peace.



They had some sharing and when I was listening, it reminded me of those days when I was still in Secondary. I was from Hai Sing Catholic School - A Catholic school but that doesn't mean I'm a Christian or a Catholic. I'm neither.



I remember feeling awkward in my first year in Secondary as I was never in a Catholic school. After a while, I just got used to the way it is. I find those sharing in the morning interesting. Well, I'm very open about it actually. However, that doesn't mean when they say some prayers I follow them.



Even though I may not be very religious but I am still aware that I am a muslim and I always try to be a good muslim (even though I am not very religious, I still remember Allah). ("Allah" means GOD in Arab.)



Oh well, I shall not continue. It's a very touchy issue I would say. Anyway, NAPFA test is like very soon (22nd July!). Oh dear, I'm very worried. How how how?? Grrrrrr...



Alright, I shall stop here for now.


Oh yes, I'm very happy for Naqiah. *ahem ahem* She should know what I mean by that. Well, to see such things... It makes me happy. Seriously, I don't have any ill feelings. So don't get me wrong. Some people might think I'll have some ill feelings and all. WELL? I'M PROUD TO SAY - NO!



So to "those two" who asked me the other day - "When's your turn?" My reply is: "Why rush? Whatever comes my way, I'll see how." (P.S: THANK YOU TO THOSE CONSTANTLY MAKING MY DAY)




Ok,
Peace out~