+*Unleash The P×wer In Y×u // D× Y×u d4rE 2 drE4M?*+

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A journey of the untold...
...May it be unfold
What lies ahead is a mystery
For what is present is a gift
A gift to cherish
One to remember
May it live in our memories
A memory to remember...
Memories that are meant to be cherish...
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#Unleash The Power In You#
+*Your Life Is A Flashback - A Memory*+

// My Illusions*

Saturday, February 03, 2007

First of all,I just want to express how shock I am to see Gary and Kelvin. That was unexpected. I was sort of a fool I guess. Didn't know what to say exactly. I wasn't trying to be unfriendly or something but I was just lost for words. That's all.

Anyway... I have been thinking of this.

Have I been faking to be happy or am I just simply happy?

Sometimes I wonder,am I really that happy? It was only yesterday (Friday) then I realise that at times I'm just trying not to think too much and just try to be happy.

I wonder if my happiness is just meant to be as it is or it'll go and on and on.

Ok,let's just be realistic. Life is like a rollercoaster ride. It goes up and down,up and down. At times we're at the top,whereas at times we just fall flat on the ground. The key is that you have to be strong and let's just face it - This is life.

Life's like that. At times it goes your way,whereas at times it doesn't.

So far this year,I'm a little much more confident than I was usually. However,it was only yesterday (Friday),it went a little different.

Why is that so? Simple. Out of the blue,everything that I didn't want to think of just came to mind. Whoosh! Just like that. Just like the snap of your fingers. Snap,snap. Yes,more of like instantly.

I tried looking on the brighter side but I think I was a little faking it. Well? Nobody knows how I exactly feel. I just didn't want to show that side. I try to be as happy as possible but I don't know,deep inside me I'm a little frustrated and sad.

I wonder why I'm feeling that way. What is it trying to tell me? Oh why,oh why must this happen to me?

Weak? Maybe but usually,I would always try to put it aside and not think about it BUT how long can that go on??

Deep inside me,sometimes I feel sad. It has nothing to do with family. In fact,I don't have problems with my family members. I'm good terms with them though sometimes just a little arguement and things like that but that's normal. Anything more than that? No.

I simply can't understand why I feel down at times. What do I actually want? What am I seeking for? Why do I just feel like this at times? Seriously,I hate the kind of feeling that I have. It seriously sucks.

I simply can't understand why. Can anyone give me the answer? Life can be complicated and so does your life but whatever it is,it's always your choice - Your choice to choose which do you want.

For me,I would say at times it's a little complex but other than that? Most of the time,it's fine. However,there's always a question mark in my mind. You cannot figure everything out,can you? I mean,even genius will not know certain things as it's for you to decide what it's all about.

I'm like feeling a little down at the moment but I'm trying very hard to be fine. To not think too much of stuff. I just don't know why it just came to my mind just like that.

I'm just feeling the blues which I certainly do not enjoy. I mean - who does? Bet you'll not like the feeling as it's a very lousy one.

Wonder what could make me not feel this way. I'm actually feeling frustrated and I don't know what am I frustrated about. I know if I talk to my good friend telling how I'm feeling,I'm sure they'll try to do something about it and try to make me feel better but at the moment,I just don't feel like chatting or talking to anyone.

If you think that I'm always that cheerful type,well... I'm not really that type. Ok,I am usually a happy type of person but that doesn't mean you'll think that I'm someone who's silly,that forgiving type and stuff like that.

The truth is,if you know me I'm not all that. Yes I can be kind of lame and I'm mostly a happy type of person but I'm not what you'll call "dumb" as in you can take advantage of.

I usually try to be nice but if you're not nice - I can tell you that I can be very mean and definitely,you'll hate me.

I can be cold and harsh if I want to but no,I don't like it either. I usually try to be nice and try to be as friendly as possible. Not unfriendly.

These few days,I have been a little sensitive at times but I have to say I was feeling my best on Thursday. I was sort of feeling high and I was like in a let loose mood. I just let myself be crazy. However,yesterday (Friday),it wasn't meant to be that way.

I just don't know why I'm feeling this way.

Speaking of feeling(s),I fear that I'll have feelings for someone.

Then again,I wouldn't dare to say that I absolutely have feelings for that person. Well? Maybe not just yet.

I don't know but it's kind of strange actually. Should I say this? Well,ok... I have been thinking of a person lately. Very much lately,my eyes are a little glued to that person and I don't know why!

I've been like noticing him for a week or two I guess and as each time I look at him,I start to think even more of him. Sheesh. I can't believe it.

I wonder what charm he has to like glue my eyes to him. Hmm? Or would you use the terms "magnet"?

I know some would be like,"What about him?" (That "him" that I'm refering to - 5 letters fella).

Well? What about him? I just feel that,that's it. *shrugs* I mean,what can I do about it? My whole solid four years - that's it. I need a break. I need to move on and free my mind.

Hmm... So far,there's nobody in mind for quite awhile but recently,like I mentioned,my eyes or rather I have been observing that person.

I don't know why or how but this fear in me keeps making me sort of nervous? Would you say that if you were in my situation?

I fear that I would fall for that person and have very strong feelings towards that person which I am fearing about. Why am I fearing? Simple. I fear that I'll have stronger feelings for that person and he finds out and it goes wrong. That's what I fear.

I don't want that to happen and also,I would prefer it to be a low-key one. I just don't want things to go wrong - That's all.

THen again,I think I'll just be like eyeing on him only. Nothing more,nothing less because it's like we don't really talk to each other.

Hmm... Well? At least,it's better that way than for things to go wrong right? The word "To go wrong" is simply a heartache to me. I had enough of those because it happened to me like a few times and I don't want that to happen anymore. It isn't something pleasant.

Oh well... I'm numb. Hurt me more and I'll bleed even more. Maybe I'll need a bigger plaster then.

I just need someone understanding I guess.

Well? Ok,I have to thank my good friends.

Thanks Xiaoqiang (Angie),Aida,Darlene,Jaclyn,Pearline... For being such a good friend to me. Not only you are a good friend but also always supportive with whatever I do. I'll never forget you people and you'll always be in a special place in my heart.

I won't know what might be for me if it weren't for you people who give me encouragement and support when I'm unsure or am not too confident with decisions. You are always there when I needed someone to talk to and you cheer me up when I am feeling down.

Once again,a VERY BIG THANK YOU to YOU. =)

Ok,I also would like to say THANK YOU to all my other friends who care about me. Like when I'm feeling down or something and you people ask me. It sort of makes me feel better.

I should feel lucky in a way that my good friends care about me. Oh yes,not only that... I also feel happy when I'm with Amelia and Fiqah. Those two are really nice and I have to say they are a good friend to have.

Well,basically... I'm somebody who treasures friendship. I don't like to lose a friend. Once is enough,I don't need anymore. It's a bad memory to recall of that as I never expected it to be that way at all. I remember clearly that I have plans and have always thought that [my friendship with her; someone whom I'm not friends with anymore] it'll go on and on.

Never did I expect something to happen and it all went wrong. It wasn't meant to be that way. I remember clearly that I feel the best or at least happy (even if it wasn't really a good day) when I'm with her and my other friends but things went wrong.

Not only did things went wrong between me and her. That [beep] girl whom is my enemy now,was actually the one who sort of make my friendship with that friend of mine end. It ended just like that.

She came to me and just told me... "You know... From today onwards............."
From there on I knew what she was going to say and continue the sentence for her. "...That's it. WE don't know each other." If I'm not wrong,I said something like that.

I tried playing cool and acted as if I wasn't really that sad but deep inside me,I was actually sad. I am shocked actually! I was really hurt and was mad about it about actually but I didn't really show that much. I actually didn't want to show my true colours or feeling that I'm actually feeling.

I just played it cool and take it like "Ok,fine!".

Would you expect your good friend to turn your back on you? It never cross my mind but it happened to me once. That is why I really treasure my friendships very much as I don't want something like that to happen.

Well? Not only did I lose a friend. Ok,it was a long story but also it wasn't a good time in my life. I feel horrible. I often get frustrated and I sigh a lot as sometimes I tend to give up as it's too tiring for me to go on like that.

I have to admit I was very stubborn but give me sometime. I just needed time.

People often think that I'm someone who's really stubborn and has no feelings towards how others feeling back then but come on. If you know me well,I'm not that type. Yes,I am stubborn. Tough nut to crack but usually after sometime I would sort of soften but also,it depends on the situation.

However,if you say I'm someone who doesn't have any feelings about what others feel,that's so wrong. Ok,maybe at times I'm a bit harsh. I remember I used to be a little harsh with my words.

I'm sorry if I've offended. I guess I wasn't really thinking straight when I did that. What can I say? We're humans. We all make mistakes.

The point that I want to bring out is that... I'm not really all that! I can be sensible. I usually try to understand how people feel but maybe because of the situation that I am in,at times I may not think of that and totally forgot about being sensible.

Like any other human,we tend to make mistakes at times and in different circumstances,we react differently. Don't you agree?

Hmm... I think as I'm typing all these out,I'm feeling much better. I'm not that down already. I'm feeling better.

I know I'm talkative. I'm stubborn. I'm hot tempered at times. I'm just like any other human being. I have feelings too.

At times I feel down,at times I feel happy. Sometimes I just feel playful and sometimes I just want to be serious.

Is it so hard to understand things at times? I think it is difficult to understand things at times. Sometimes we are just too blinded to see things in front of us but at we go along,eventually we would somehow understand things better.

Like when I'm with my brother,at times I tend to be a little bit kiddy. His like four years younger than me by the way.

I wonder. Do I have split personalities? Sometimes I feel confident about myself and the things around me and I have that heck care attitude with that serious look. Whereas at times I feel playful and take things not seriously. Then there's this hyper side of me and there's this quiet side.

When I'm with different people,I behave differently. Sometimes I wonder,who am I?

Then again,I'll always know that I'm a good person deep inside me. Thick-skinned? No. I just feel that way. It's not as if I go around hurting others right? I don't behave badly. I always try to do my own stuff.

Well,well... Well... Whatever it is. You decide. This is your world,this is your choice.

My my... It's getting really late. It's nearing to 4AM! Sheesh. I didn't realise that. Guess I'll end here for now.

Hmm... I think I'll sleep peacefully tonight as I'm feeling much better than I was at the start of this.

It's so long and goodnight for now!

Peace out.

♥Ashley Kid♥ × ♠3:58:00 am♠

// D: Illusionist

+ Diane

+ Anne, Ashley Kid, Silencer-D, D-Illusionist

+ 0ctober 4th 1990

+ Libra

+ Single and swinging, not looking - Likes making new friends
+ Mixed
(Chinese, Malay, Peranakan, Indonesian)

+ Park View Primary School (1997 - 2002)
+ Hai Sing Catholic School (2003 - 2006)
+ ITE College East (Info-Comm Technology; 2007 - 2008)
+ Currently: Singapore Polytechnic (Digital Media)

^{BLUE IS THE COLOUR}

// What does your sleeping position says about you?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life.
Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal.
You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.
Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

// What's your love type

Your Love Type: ISFJ

The Nurturer

In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long.
For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner.

Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie.
However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues.

Best matches: ESTP or ESFP

What's Your Love Type?

// Are you too picky when it comes to men?

You Are Picky When it Counts

Like most sane women, you want a great guy who will treat you well.
But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right
You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.
You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!

Are You Too Picky When It Comes To Men?

// What kind of sexy girl are you?

You Are Fun Sexy

You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy.
Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.
You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.
Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

// What kind of girl are you?

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

// Are you spoiled?

You Are 24% Spoiled

You're barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head.
You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.

Are You Spoiled?

// What flavour Pocky are you?

You Are Flan Pocky

Your attitude: modern and offbeat
East meets west... sweet meets salty.
You're a pro at bringing unusual combos together!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

// Could you be violent?

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions.
Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act.
Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

Could You Be Violent?

// Speed test
95 words

Speed test

// —The Voice Within—

// Other Illusionist♠

Special links:
CeMTA (Drama) Blog
Ms Angeline
Class Blog - 1A/03 ['o9]

Meet The Illusi♠nist:
Adib
Aiba
Aidyl
Amelia
Andrew
Atiiyah
Azizah
————
Berwin
Belson
————
Chloe
Clara
————
Darlene*♦
Dickson (Snoopy)
Donn
————
Elvis
Eugene
————
Faezzah
Faezzah [2]
Faiz
Faizal (Bear)
Fiqah♦
Fyeqa
————
Gabriel
Gary's Lover Den
Gillian
Gladys
Grace
Guan Ting (GT)
Guo Wei
————
Hafiz Y.
Haziyah
————
Irsyad
————
Jaclyn♦
Jamie
Jason
Jia Hao
Jiekie
Jian Sheng
Jiayi
Jun Rong (JR)
————
Ken
————
Lee Ying
Leon
————
Marcus
————
Naqiah*
————
Pearline♦
Pei Jun
————
Radhi
Razin
Ratna
————
Saiful
Sani
Sarah
Shakila
Sherin (Yi Xin)
Shikin
Shi Min
Shu Min
Sya
Syakirah
————
Wei Wei
Wendy
Weng Hon
————
Yi Xuan (Shiin)
Yue Han

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