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// My Illusions*

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sometimes I'm not sure what's in my mind. What do I want? What am I looking for? What are my needs.

It's crazy. Just like this crazy world. So many crazy people with crazy thoughts and a crazy mind.

I am somewhat still angry with whatever happened earlier on but hopefully at the end of this entry I'll feel better. Well? I just hope so.

It's like a nightmare. Living in a nightmare? Tsk. I don't know but everytime when something nice or good happens and when I have this "stupid" thought in mind thinking or hoping this will go on,something not too pleasant as I unexpected occurs.

Arghhhhh!! Why do this always happen?!?!

It's not fair! It's not fair! TOTALLY NOT FAIR!!!

The world is so unfair. Ok,let me make this clear. God is fair but human beings are never fair.
Why? Simple. All sorts of people in this world. Sometimes it makes me wonder what is this world all about. I am still searching for that answer can anybody show me or give me the answer? Anyone? Answer my question??

Yesterday I went out I saw so many people asking for money. One was flag day I guess and the other was people begging for money. I don't know but I just decided to donate. The one that makes me really sad is the one begging for money.

Especially after I donated some money she was like putting her face towards her hands and like bowing to me. Oh my. I didn't know or should I say not sure how to react as I was at the same time sad and felt sorry for them.

All I did was smile and nod my head. She said "Terima kasih" that is "Thank You" in malay.

The sight of it makes me feel sorry for them. Yes,in Singapore we don't see much of it but the other countries I'm sure you'll see them often. I don't know if I'm able to look at it.

Everybody just walked pass them. (Them = The old lady and a young girl) Like as if there's nobody. I understand that some may not have the change to donate or give some but well? For those who can afford? Why don't you just donate or give?

I know I couldn't afford to give a large sum but to give a small amount makes me happy.

I guess we all have to appreciate what we have. We should thank god for what we have.

Hmm... Seems like I started cooling down already. Have been surfing the net for the past hour or so and seems like I've calm down.

Gosh... Let's not talk about that already. I don't know how or why I got so emotional and upset.
Anyway,I have been thinking of that person lately. Yes,like in my previous entry - That person I mean.

Oh why do I feel this way? Oh why,oh why... Why do I keep thinking of that person. I still remember the past week when I saw him not smiling,it makes me wonder if his alright. To see him smile,it makes me smile too.

Gosh. Maybe I'm just out of my mind. How can I not know! I mean... People have been telling me that his a flirt type and stuff like that. Yes,I don't like flirts and in a way against them at times but I can't help myself.

Now the thing is... Am I falling for him? It can't be and it's impossible. Hmm... Ok,I did say "Anything's possible,nothing is impossible" but looking the circumstances it really is impossible.

I don't want a one way thing as I had enough of those kind. Me,making the first move? No way! One move and it wasn't the way I expected so... No. I fear something like that will happen.

To think about it,seems like the reason why I fear of this and that is because of what happened before. I guess it must be the unpleasant experience that causes me to be afraid of things and some things were like the things that I used to do or dare doing.

*sigh* I'm so chickened out.

I fear that I'll fall for him. I fall for a guy and I am such a fool. I like him for four years and that's the longest.

The reason why I hate falling for anyone is because it made me look like a fool. There's one humilate me in front of his friends. For two years,I can't believe I was a fool but four years? That makes me even a bigger fool or rather a stupid fool.

Guys are really hard to trust. At times I hate guys a lot. They are such a player. They're sweet talkers. They like to play around with people's feelings. They are such sweet talkers. They hurt you. Some are even worst - A beast.

I'm not saying all guys are like that. It's just that some guys are like that. I can't stand it. Have to say some guys are really nice. Very sweet and all. I am a sucker for it actually.

If his sincere,honest,understanding and someone who treats people with respect... I have nothing to say. Seems like I'll go weak but if the person is the other way round,I'll fight back.

Seems like "Mr.Nice Guy" weakens me. LOL. Hmm? So... Who is that Mr Nice Guy?

Anyway,I believe that girls shouldn't give in too easily to the guys. They may be the stronger ones but we can't let them take advantage. We have to fight for our rights. Stand firm and protest your unhappiness.

Heck them! Just be yourself and express yourself. You don't have to be somebody else to please others. If they don't accept you for who you are,don't bother about them.

Some people calls me meany and stuff like that. Well? I guess you have to know where and when to draw the lines. Some were like "Can you take jokes?"

Definitely I can but it depends. I mean to you it may be a joke but to the other,it isn't so you can't assume that everyone has the same thinking as you.

Yawns yawns yawns. I'm so stressed up. N-Levels starts tomorrow till Friday. I really want my distinctions. I'm so pressurised. I have to sleep early today. I don't want to feel sleepy tomorrow.

I think the latest I'll go to bed will be by midnight then at 5AM I'll wake up to eat my pre-dawn meal and of course! Take vitamins.

I don't usually wake up to eat my pre-dawn meal. I'll usually eat supper then go to sleep till tomorrow. Yesterday supper I ate Egg and plain pratas. I guess for tomorrow till Friday I'll wake up to eat my pre-dawn meal.

Oh well... I should just put everything aside and simply concentrate on my A's. Come on A's,come to me! I want my distinctions.
Come to me!

Peace out...
*Oh yes,HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY TO THOSE CHILDREN!*

♥Ashley Kid♥ × ♠6:18:00 pm♠

// D: Illusionist

+ Diane

+ Anne, Ashley Kid, Silencer-D, D-Illusionist

+ 0ctober 4th 1990

+ Libra

+ Single and swinging, not looking - Likes making new friends
+ Mixed
(Chinese, Malay, Peranakan, Indonesian)

+ Park View Primary School (1997 - 2002)
+ Hai Sing Catholic School (2003 - 2006)
+ ITE College East (Info-Comm Technology; 2007 - 2008)
+ Currently: Singapore Polytechnic (Digital Media)

^{BLUE IS THE COLOUR}

// What does your sleeping position says about you?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life.
Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal.
You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.
Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

// What's your love type

Your Love Type: ISFJ

The Nurturer

In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long.
For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner.

Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie.
However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues.

Best matches: ESTP or ESFP

What's Your Love Type?

// Are you too picky when it comes to men?

You Are Picky When it Counts

Like most sane women, you want a great guy who will treat you well.
But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right
You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.
You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!

Are You Too Picky When It Comes To Men?

// What kind of sexy girl are you?

You Are Fun Sexy

You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy.
Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.
You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.
Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

// What kind of girl are you?

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

// Are you spoiled?

You Are 24% Spoiled

You're barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head.
You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.

Are You Spoiled?

// What flavour Pocky are you?

You Are Flan Pocky

Your attitude: modern and offbeat
East meets west... sweet meets salty.
You're a pro at bringing unusual combos together!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

// Could you be violent?

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions.
Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act.
Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

Could You Be Violent?

// Speed test
95 words

Speed test

// —The Voice Within—

// Other Illusionist♠

Special links:
CeMTA (Drama) Blog
Ms Angeline
Class Blog - 1A/03 ['o9]

Meet The Illusi♠nist:
Adib
Aiba
Aidyl
Amelia
Andrew
Atiiyah
Azizah
————
Berwin
Belson
————
Chloe
Clara
————
Darlene*♦
Dickson (Snoopy)
Donn
————
Elvis
Eugene
————
Faezzah
Faezzah [2]
Faiz
Faizal (Bear)
Fiqah♦
Fyeqa
————
Gabriel
Gary's Lover Den
Gillian
Gladys
Grace
Guan Ting (GT)
Guo Wei
————
Hafiz Y.
Haziyah
————
Irsyad
————
Jaclyn♦
Jamie
Jason
Jia Hao
Jiekie
Jian Sheng
Jiayi
Jun Rong (JR)
————
Ken
————
Lee Ying
Leon
————
Marcus
————
Naqiah*
————
Pearline♦
Pei Jun
————
Radhi
Razin
Ratna
————
Saiful
Sani
Sarah
Shakila
Sherin (Yi Xin)
Shikin
Shi Min
Shu Min
Sya
Syakirah
————
Wei Wei
Wendy
Weng Hon
————
Yi Xuan (Shiin)
Yue Han

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