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My Past Illusions
// My Illusions*
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Am I happy? Sad or confused?
I'm actually very sadden by the fact that my primary school friends and I are drifting apart. Our friendship is not like last time. I think there's tears just waiting to flow out of my eyes. Sometimes I just become dumbfounded. I don't know what to say. I try to sort things out but it seems it isn't like the usual.
We may laugh,joke and so whatsoever but the feel of it isn't the same. Can somebody tell me why? I'm actually really sadden by it. I wish things could be like last time. Say whatever you want. You may say I don't learn how to move on and so on but hey when you were a peanut,those were the friends who support you and stuff like that. You may be someone right now as in terms of CCA rank,the position you're in,etc. In other words,successful. You're still a someone.
I feel very small at times. I don't know what to do or say. I'm a little confused I guess. My heart hurts to accept the fact. What can I say after all? People change. Things change. Anything's possible. One minute you're this,the next minute you're somebodyelse. Creepy huh?
Everyone change over the years but not to the extend that you're not the same person anymore. I admit I made a lot of mistakes. I was a little foolish I guess but I'm willing to change. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes. It isn't worth it. Seriously. Then again,I'm still the same me in a certain way. I'm still that crappy one who likes to joke around and fool around and laugh. That's still the same me. I talk about stuff. Oh? Well... The usual. That's still part of me. The hot-tempered fella? Oh yeah... Still me but not as bad as last time. I'm trying my very best to be a "cool-tempered" person. =D
Hmm... I think after typing this,it sort of ease me. I don't feel very sad already. Still,it's a sad thing. Years of friendship,years we've been through. Your words,your smile. Just us,but why does it have to end up like this? *sigh*
It's really a heartache. I don't understand why. I try to catch up and get things sailing again but it seems that the sail won't sail anymore. At times I choose to forget about it for awhile. Put it aside and concentrate on other things. Then again,I can't run away from the fact.
Oh well......... Let god guide us through and let me make the wise decisions. Time will then determine about it. I have no power,I have no magic. I can only make a wise choice and not make mistakes.
Happy? Hmm... There's a happy part in my life. I have a good friend in school. We crap around and stuff like that. It sort of de-stress me. I really hope our friendship will get even better. I'm quite pleased actually. Just about a year or two we're already quite good. We weren't very close three years ago. Things start to turn better only last year. 2003 we were in the same class but only in 2005 we're closer. In 2004,we were somehow in good terms. Now 2006,we're even closer. I'm so happy.
God is so kind. Thank you.
Sometimes in life,I guess we can take some but we also have to give up some. Why can't I have both? Sometimes I ask myself that question. "Why?" Sometimes I look at those people,they can have almost everything they want and things come to them easily. I wish I was like that then again,everything happens for a reason. Hmm? I wonder what's the reason. I can't seem to figure what's it but I guess someday I will find the reason behind it.
At times when I reflect at the things that I've done in the past. I feel stupid for whatever have happened. I shouldn't be doing quite a number of things. I guess I wasn't thinking straight. I forgot about the "What IF" question. As time passes,I begin to be more reflective instead of being the sort of perfectionist type. You have to be more realistic. Wake up! This is reality. This world can be very cruel. I mean,the people around can be very cruel so you have to be realistic.
Sometimes I don't know what they really want. At times,I don't know what I want. What are my needs? What are my wants? Do I really need it or it's just an additional thing? We're all humans. We all make mistakes but if you're willing to change,that makes you a better person. It does make me feel better. If you were to reflect then and now you'll be like "Wow,I change a lot."
Ain't that cool? We become a better person.
Alright,I'll continue later.
I'm off to watch television.
Peace out.
♥Ashley Kid♥ × ♠9:40:00 pm♠
// D: Illusionist
+ Diane
+ Anne, Ashley Kid, Silencer-D, D-Illusionist
+ 0ctober 4th 1990
+ Libra
+ Single and swinging, not looking - Likes making new friends
+ Mixed
(Chinese, Malay, Peranakan, Indonesian)
+ Park View Primary School (1997 - 2002)
+ Hai Sing Catholic School (2003 - 2006)
+ ITE College East (Info-Comm Technology; 2007 - 2008)
+ Currently: Singapore Polytechnic (Digital Media)
BLUE IS THE COLOUR
// What does your sleeping position says about you?
What Your Sleeping Position Says
Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal.
You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.
Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself.
If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope
It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog
// What's your love type
Your Love Type: ISFJ
In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long.
For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner.
Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie.
However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues.
Best matches: ESTP or ESFP
// Are you too picky when it comes to men?
You Are Picky When it Counts
But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right
You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.
You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!
// What kind of sexy girl are you?
You Are Fun Sexy
Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.
You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.
Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!
// What kind of girl are you?
You are a Brainy Girl!
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!
// Are you spoiled?
You Are 24% Spoiled
You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.
// What flavour Pocky are you?
You Are Flan Pocky
East meets west... sweet meets salty.
You're a pro at bringing unusual combos together!
// Could you be violent?
There's a Chance You Could Be Violent
Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act.
Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.
// Speed test
95 words
// —The Voice Within—
// Other Illusionist♠
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Class Blog - 1A/03 ['o9]
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Adib
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————
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————
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————
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————
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————
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————
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Sarah
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Sherin (Yi Xin)
Shikin
Shi Min
Shu Min
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————
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Wendy
Weng Hon
————
Yi Xuan (Shiin)
Yue Han
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// Misc*
My Past Entries (2003 *February* - 2005 *January*)
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