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My Past Illusions
// My Illusions*
Sunday, October 16, 2005
[ 16.10.05 ]
I'm still awake. I wanted to sleep about an hour ago (1AM) but I didn't feel like it. I am tired actually but I just couldn't. I don't know why. So I decided to switch on the computer again and hopefully I'll go to bed but I guess I still couldn't so I decided to blog. So... Here I am!
I'm just surfing the net now. Nothing much. Don't feel like chatting but feel like reading so I surf the net to read about articles. The articles are very interesting. It just catches my attention. Making me want to know more about it and so on. I've been like surfing the whole day and not chatting. I just don't feel like chatting today. Oh... I mean yesterday. It's Sunday already! Early morning. =D
So many interesting stuff to read on the internet. Ain't the internet a good thing? It's the best! You can find out more about stuff that you want to know. Like they say "Curiousity kills a cat" or whatever it is. Is that how the quote is or what? I somewhat have forgotten how it goes. Ok,moving on now.
Anyway,I'm reading about love now. I wonder how true is this. Well... You decide. Read on.
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.
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Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.
Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.
Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.
Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.
Do you agree with all of the above?
Hmm... I somewhat totally agree with it but some I'm just not too sure.
I wonder if there's true love? Is there? If only life is that simple like the ones you see in the movies. You know that kind of happy ending one. Yeah. If only it was. But you know what? Dream on! This is reality. It's totally different from the ones you see in the movies. I wish I could have that. (If only) But oh well... Thinking of guys just makes me sick. I mean talking about them for example "his cute","his hot"... you know those kind of comments? Well,I still have to admit that I'm still the same old me but I'm not really interested in them for now. I just don't have that feeling that I usually do. I don't have anyone on my mind currently. Well? I guess so.
Hmm...? On second thought. I feel it isn't right if I say that. Well? Yes,I don't really have any feelings towards anyone but... Alright,to be honest,at times I think of him. Yes I know it's crazy. It's really really RIDICULOUS. All of my friends have been telling me his not worth it,his this and that... Friends are always telling me to move on and not think about him. Yes I know that too. I know I have to move on and pretend that nothing happen. I did move on but at times,I still think of him. I just can't seem to totally get rid of that. For all the others that I've like before,it isn't that bad. Even though I know I once said to some friends that I'll never ever forget that "boy" then. I even said to them I'll like him forever... Guess that forever is "not" forever. It's just that at that time I just couldn't help myself. I was so totally into him and I'm like making a fool out of myself. Thinking that his the longest one that I've ever like. Well? No. He isn't. It's only about two years only. Well? Not really exactly two years. About two years only.
I know I may sound as if I'm like a player to some but I'm not. Sometimes I just can have the same feeling at one go and I don't even know why. Yes,back then I was attracted by looks maybe. But as I grow older and wiser,I look more into the person's personality and stuff like that. I have to admit that I used to like a lot of guys. This I can never deny cause my friends know that too. But it seems that no matter who I like,I'll always go back to square one. And that's him. No matter what I do,I'll always think of him. Darn,wish everything didn't happen. How I wish I didn't develope any feelings towards him. I just can't help it. Darn it! =(
I just feel happy whenever I talk to him. I feel like I have peace when I talk to him. I get excited for no reason as when he goes online or whenever his around. All my worries were like put aside for a moment. I feel somewhat secure when I talk to him. Yes,yes... I know it's crazy. I don't know him that [very] well yet I spill the beans. It was an honest mistake. I seriously didn't have that brain to be able to think. I was such an idiot I'd say. Back then,I just didn't take things seriously. I've made alot of mistakes. I'm no holy person nor innocent. I'm just an ordinary human who makes mistakes and I really regret it alot. I wish all this didn't happen. If only I could turn back time... Well? No point crying over a spilled milk. What's done,can't be undone.
As for now... I try to learn from my mistakes. I'm not perfect and I can't be perfect because nobody is perfect. But the least I could do is to learn from my mistakes and be a better person. I don't ever want the past to repeat again. Thinking about those sour memories it just hurts me. Not only does it hurts,it leaves a scar behind too. And I'll be like... "I shouldn't have done it"... You know stuff like that. Most people always say I'm like always so cheerful,so happy... Couldn't be bothered with stuff,blah blah... I even once had this comment by someone... "Diane,you seem to be so carefree. You're like so pampered." I guess you're wrong. Me? Carefree? Gotta be kidding. Me? Pampered? You just don't know me. Maybe I seem to be carefree but nobody can tell how I actually feel. Do you know my inner feelings? Can you read them? You will never understand how I feel. You may think I'm crazy or over-reacting. Guess you're not really that right. I mean,I don't go against people's opinion. After all,it's just an opinion. You,yourself know if it's right or wrong.
Do you think I like to be like this? There's just so many things and sometimes I maybe whatever you call it or whatever you interpret me as. I don't really care. Well? It somewhat hurts if I hear some cruel or harsh comments about me and I keep wondering where did I go wrong. I too have my softer side. It's not like I don't have it's that you don't see it. It's all hidden. So I think I know why some say I'm the carefree type. Is it because I don't show my softer side? Yeah,ditto! I think that's the reason. I know sometimes like when I hear those comments and people tell me I'll mostly react "whatever!" but do you know how I actually feel within? Behind that smile there's tears hiding behind. Behind that joy,there's sadness. Behind that I don't care look,there's that curious look. I may seem to be those rough type but it's just a cover. People think otherwise about me. Some maybe positive and some maybe negative. Yes,I'm talkative. I talk alot,I express myself..... I maybe a little short-tempered at times and impatient. Crappy? What have you. But I can be a listener if you need someone to talk to because I am always willing to listen to anyone. I will try to help if it's possible. We can crap around and laugh like mad. Well? That's what I'd love to do again. I miss those days. I don't think I'm that unreasonable because I know I'm not. I'm quite a fair person,I don't just accuse people for no reason. That's so wrong. I just love to have fun and be happy-go-lucky if possible.
What can I say? Life's like that. Just live with it to the fullest and try not to take those comments too seriously. =)
I'm still thinking of him. Though I don't have that feeling that I used to have. That very STRONG feeling. But it makes me happy to see him. Despite people telling me about those stuff. You know those "he said" stuff. I don't know why I still care for him. What am I? Crazy? I don't understand why I care for him. Even seeing him in the morning makes me happy. Seeing him happy makes me happy too. Hearing him achieving something makes me happy too. I hope his doing well. Well? I'm sure he will. I just hope he doesn't mix with those bad companies. I really hope that his fine and does well in whatever he does. He may think I'm this and that but whatever it is,his something to me. Well? It's not as if I still like him or something. Oh... Do I still..........? Nah... I don't think so. I don't like anyone currently yet I still care for him. Oh well... Don't think about guys already. =)
Gosh... It's 3.16AM! You mean,I've been typing for very long? Haha... Now then I realise. Expressing how I feel,I feel much better. All this is all right from the bottom of my heart. It's very pure and that's how I really feel at the moment. Feel free to comment! Tag me ok? =)
*Yawns* I'm off to bed now.
Have a good day ahead!
D-Illusionist // Diane----x
['o5] "Trust your heart,follow your dreams"
♥Ashley Kid♥ × ♠3:16:00 am♠
// D: Illusionist
+ Diane
+ Anne, Ashley Kid, Silencer-D, D-Illusionist
+ 0ctober 4th 1990
+ Libra
+ Single and swinging, not looking - Likes making new friends
+ Mixed
(Chinese, Malay, Peranakan, Indonesian)
+ Park View Primary School (1997 - 2002)
+ Hai Sing Catholic School (2003 - 2006)
+ ITE College East (Info-Comm Technology; 2007 - 2008)
+ Currently: Singapore Polytechnic (Digital Media)
BLUE IS THE COLOUR
// What does your sleeping position says about you?
What Your Sleeping Position Says
Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal.
You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.
Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself.
If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope
It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog
// What's your love type
Your Love Type: ISFJ
In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long.
For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner.
Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie.
However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues.
Best matches: ESTP or ESFP
// Are you too picky when it comes to men?
You Are Picky When it Counts
But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right
You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.
You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!
// What kind of sexy girl are you?
You Are Fun Sexy
Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.
You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.
Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!
// What kind of girl are you?
You are a Brainy Girl!
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!
// Are you spoiled?
You Are 24% Spoiled
You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.
// What flavour Pocky are you?
You Are Flan Pocky
East meets west... sweet meets salty.
You're a pro at bringing unusual combos together!
// Could you be violent?
There's a Chance You Could Be Violent
Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act.
Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.
// Speed test
95 words
// —The Voice Within—
// Other Illusionist♠
Special links:
CeMTA (Drama) Blog
Ms Angeline
Class Blog - 1A/03 ['o9]
Meet The Illusi♠nist:
Adib
Aiba
Aidyl
Amelia
Andrew
Atiiyah
Azizah
————
Berwin
Belson
————
Chloe
Clara
————
Darlene*♦
Dickson (Snoopy)
Donn
————
Elvis
Eugene
————
Faezzah
Faezzah [2]
Faiz
Faizal (Bear)
Fiqah♦
Fyeqa
————
Gabriel
Gary's Lover Den
Gillian
Gladys
Grace
Guan Ting (GT)
Guo Wei
————
Hafiz Y.
Haziyah
————
Irsyad
————
Jaclyn♦
Jamie
Jason
Jia Hao
Jiekie
Jian Sheng
Jiayi
Jun Rong (JR)
————
Ken
————
Lee Ying
Leon
————
Marcus
————
Naqiah*
————
Pearline♦
Pei Jun
————
Radhi
Razin
Ratna
————
Saiful
Sani
Sarah
Shakila
Sherin (Yi Xin)
Shikin
Shi Min
Shu Min
Sya
Syakirah
————
Wei Wei
Wendy
Weng Hon
————
Yi Xuan (Shiin)
Yue Han
The Other Side Of D
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// Misc*
My Past Entries (2003 *February* - 2005 *January*)
March 2005 ;
April 2005 ;
May 2005 ;
June 2005 ;
July 2005 ;
August 2005 ;
September 2005 ;
October 2005 ;
November 2005 ;
December 2005 ;
January 2006 ;
February 2006 ;
March 2006 ;
April 2006 ;
May 2006 ;
June 2006 ;
July 2006 ;
August 2006 ;
September 2006 ;
October 2006 ;
November 2006 ;
December 2006 ;
January 2007 ;
February 2007 ;
March 2007 ;
April 2007 ;
May 2007 ;
June 2007 ;
July 2007 ;
August 2007 ;
September 2007 ;
October 2007 ;
November 2007 ;
December 2007 ;
January 2008 ;
February 2008 ;
March 2008 ;
April 2008 ;
May 2008 ;
June 2008 ;
July 2008 ;
August 2008 ;
September 2008 ;
October 2008 ;
November 2008 ;
December 2008 ;
January 2009 ;
February 2009 ;
March 2009 ;
April 2009 ;
May 2009 ;
June 2009 ;
July 2009 ;
August 2009 ;
September 2009 ;
October 2009 ;
December 2009 ;
January 2010 ;
March 2010 ;
May 2010 ;
August 2010 ;
October 2010 ;
December 2010 ;
March 2011 ;
September 2011 ;
December 2011 ;
April 2012 ;
+*-*+